Do you ever find yourself haunted by words that you uttered? One such phrase in my case was “It doesn’t really matter what I thought”. Said whilst turning my head away from the person I was talking to and thinking ‘ because I always seem to think the wrong thing’. Making a mistake hurts. Avoiding the hurt leads to immense pressure in your head not to let out your thoughts as you automatically assume I got it so wrong before why should this time be any different. And so begins the slow spiral to negation. Negating your Being. And because as Descartes put it, ‘I think therefore I am’, when you try desperately to un-think or not think you lose you very existence in this world. ‘I think not, therefore I am not’.
Reading ‘The 12 rules of life’ by Jordan B Peterson currently has helped me to realise that your thoughts and the expression of them truthfully and fully is the highest form of living(and bravery). Pain will never be avoided in this world. But being able to disclose exactly what it is that we are feeling and thinking could bring an end to these ‘needle on the record’ moments being replayed again and again through our minds. It is a regret that speaking out is a skill I have not acquired. Writing out, however, may be very different!!
xPC2019
Image credit:Google words of the day ‘Pen in a heart’
